I have struggled with fear and anxiety most of my life. With any situation that was out of my control, I would allow my mind to wonder to the worst-case scenario. On June 19th 2018, my worst fear was realized when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. After 16 rounds of chemotherapy, 15 radiation treatments, and a single mastectomy, in February of 2019 I had no evidence of disease. As I was going through treatment, my end goal was completing my treatment plan and being declared in remission. But when I achieved that goal, I then had to deal with the fear of recurrence. In the beginning, I was ultra aware of every ache and pain I would feel. I believed that I was cancer free, but there was always that worry in the back of my mind.
This past June I had my annual ultrasound on my remaining breast. The ultrasound showed a suspicious mass, so I had it biopsied. Waiting on test results is my least favorite thing to do. I have done it many times before (skin biopsies, breast biopsies, lymph node biopsies, CT scans, etc.) In the past the fear and anxiety have been unbearable. But this time was different. I had peace because I completely trusted in the Lord, knowing that He is in control and would continue to be faithful. I remembered how He carried me through my breast cancer treatment 2 years before. During that time, He proved to me that He is faithful. He met my physical needs by always providing someone to care for my children during my many treatments and by keeping my body healthy and strong. He provided for my emotional needs by giving me peace and courage. And He provided for my spiritual needs by drawing me near to Him and filling me with joy. I experienced the love of Christ more while going through cancer treatment than any other time in my life. So when this new mass was discovered, rather than allowing myself to think about the worst-case scenario, I instead focused on how good God is and truly believed that He would never leave me or forsake me.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)
I received the call that the biopsy was benign on the two-year anniversary of my diagnosis. I do not believe this was a coincidence but rather the Lord reminding me how far He had brought me. Even though the biopsy showed no sign of cancer, because the radiologist did not like the way it looked on the ultrasound, my surgeon recommended having it removed. Given my history, they did not want to leave any room for error. I knew from experience that after surgery I would not be able to submerge my incision area for 2 to 3 weeks, so I decided to wait until the end of the summer to have the mass removed. I wanted to continue taking my two young children to the pool. So for the majority of the summer, I had this uncertainty hanging over me. What if the biopsy was wrong? What if it is cancer? For the most part, I was not afraid and did not think about it on a regular basis. But every now and then fear would start to creep in. In those moments, I went straight to His word and filled my mind with truth rather than dwelling on a worst-case scenario. His truth never failed to give me peace.
These are some of the verses that I would meditate on:
- Proverbs 3:5-6
- Zephaniah 3:17
- Mark 11:22-24
- 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
- 1 Peter 1:6-7
- 1 Peter 5:6-11
I had a lumpectomy on August 19th to remove the mass. Because of COVID-19, I could not have any guests. So my husband dropped me off at the front door of the hospital, and I went in alone. As I laid in the pre-op room waiting for surgery, I thought about how at peace I was and reflected on how nervous I would have been if I had gone through the same situation a few years ago. By carrying me through breast cancer, Jesus has given me such amazing strength. Strength that I know is not of myself. One week after my surgery, I received the pathology report, which showed that the mass was just benign fibrous tissue. I was relieved to not have to go through the same treatment I completed just 2 years ago.
As I reflect back over this summer, I see that the Lord used this cancer scare to bring me closer to Him by urging me to mediate on His word and pray fervently. I also see that He strengthened my faith as He taught me how to overcome fear. I know that I will continue to face scary things in the future, but I am confident that the Lord will continue to give me the courage to overcome fear.
I would not have had the strength to make it through my breast cancer journey without having a personal relationship with Christ. If you do not know Him personally, please believe that He loves you and desires to have a relationship with you. No matter what your background is or what you have done in the past, He is ready to meet you exactly where you are.
God in his nature, is perfect and holy; therefore, He cannot be in the presence of sin. Every person that has ever lived has sinned. No one can live up to God’s standard on their own.
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23)
Because of our sin, we are separated from God. But God loves us so much that He made a way for us to be reconciled to Him. He sent his son to live a perfect life and to die on the cross to pay the penalty for our transgressions. And on the third day of his crucifixion, God raised Jesus from the dead, and He is alive today!
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! (Romans 5: 8-9)
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23)
If we receive this free gift of salvation through Christ, we are washed clean of our sin and deemed holy and blameless in the sight of God.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:1-2)
To receive God’s free gift of salvation, you merely confess to Him that you have sinned; believe that Jesus is the son of God, that He died on the cross for your sins, and that He was raised to life on the third day; and choose to make Jesus the Lord of your life.
If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. (Romans 10:9-10)
This post blessed me more than you know. Thank you.❤️